Cowboy Pan
by HaleyDub
Summary: You can fly!
1. Off To Newsy-Newsy Land

***AUTHOR'S NOTE AND ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY DISCLAIMER***  
Okay, so this isn't my own, original story line...well, I take that back. PARTS of it are my own. None of the characters are mine. Well, SOME are mine. You know. They all belong to Disney, okay? And _Peter Pan_...that belongs to whoever wrote the story. (I don't know these things!) Partially, the _PP_ thing came from Disney's version, and partially from the Broadway version. Am I missing anything? Please don't sue me. (Yeah, I'm sure you REALLY want a box of Apple Cinamon Cheerios!)

*******

"One, two, three, one, two, three..." Sarah and David Jacobs counted as they waltzed around the room. Sarah wore a big hat with a feather sticking out of it, and David wore a coat with tails and a top hat.

"Children, bedtime!" their mother, Esther, called, coming into the nursery. "What are you two doing?"

"We're pretending," Sarah answered. "I'm you, Mother."

"Yes," David added, "and I'm Father."

"We're at the party!" Sarah said as she and David danced some more.

"They won't let me dance," young Les whined.

"Oh, well, we'll fix that!" Esther said, taking his hand and dancing around the room with him. Their father, Mayer, appeared in the doorway.

"A little less noise there, a little less noise," he scolded.

Nana, the dog who shared the nursery with the children, jumped on Mayer and knocked him to the ground. Angrily, Mayer took the dog and chained her up in the backyard, much to the dismay of the children.

"Don't take Nana away!" Les wailed.

"Now, now, a little less noise," Mayer said.

Esther took him aside. "The last time you put Nana out, I was in this very room...and I saw a face in the window. It was a young boy..."

"What? How could anyone look into this window? Why, it's three stories up!" Mayer exclaimed.

"I don't know," Esther whispered. She turned to the children. "It's time for bed. Say your prayers and go to sleep."

Obediently, the four children climbed into bed, kissing their parents goodnight. Esther and Mayer left the house for their party as the children said their prayers.

In the middle of the night, a flickering light appeared at the window. It came into the room and flew around. Suddenly, the huge windows blew open and a boy dressed as a newsy, wearing a cowboy hat and a bandana, flew in and landed softly on the carpet.

"Blink!" he hissed. "Blink? Blinkerbell!"

A small fairy flew to him and landed on his shoulder. It was another boy dressed as a newsy, with an eyepatch over his left eye.

"I din't find it, Cowboy," he said.

Cowboy dropped to the ground and cried. This woke Sarah up.

"Boy! Why are you crying?"

"I lost me shadow," came the reply.

"Oh my! Your shadow? How did that happen?" Sarah asked.

"It came off."

"Why...you're Cowboy Pan, aren't you?"

He nodded, looking up at her.

"Mother tells us the most lovely stories about you!"

"Mudda? What's a mudda?"

"You silly goose! You don't know what a mother is?"

"Ya think?" he asked sarcastically. "Do ya know where me shadow is or not? Hurry it up, I gotta get back to Newsyland to sell da evening edition."

"Wait, I may have it...I remember finding someone's shadow in here just the other day!" she exclaimed. "Ah! Here it is." Sarah pulled the shadow out of a drawer. As she closed it, she accidentally trapped Blinkerbell in there.

"Hey! Hey! What'd ya do dat for, huh? I ain't invis...invis...I know people can see me! Come on! Hey! Come on, here! I'm suffocatin' in heah!"

Upon hearing the small, whiny voice, Sarah opened the drawer and Blinkerbell few out. He crossed the room and hid in a vase.

Meanwhile, Cowboy had sat on the floor with a rolled up newspaper. He rubbed the paper against his feet, and then rubbed it against the feet of the shadow. Unsuccessfully, he tried to stick the shadow to his feet. Sarah fell over laughing.

"Hey, wouldja shut yer pie-hole, there? I'm tryin' ta get me shadow back on!"

"No, stupid, you can't re-attach a shadow with a newspaper. I'm going to have to sew it on," Sarah told him.

"No!" Cowboy exclaimed, violently shaking his head. "I hate needles!"

"Oh, don't be a sissy," Sarah told him.

"Hey! Nobody, but nobody, calls Cowboy Pan a sissy and gets away wid it. Sew away!"

"Fine."

Sarah took out her sewing box, and got a needle and thread. "This is going to hurt," she told him. She sewed the shadow back onto his feet, Cowboy slapping the floor in pain every few minutes.

"There. Finished!" she exclaimed.

Gingerly, Cowboy stood up and caught sight of his shadow on the wall. "Yee-haw!" he yelled triumphantly in his best Santa Fe accent. "I'se so great! I got me shadow back!"

"You're just cocky," Sarah told him.

"No, I ain't! You knows how great I am!"

Just then, David and Les woke up and came running over. "What do you think you're doing?!" Davey asked angrily as Les looked at Cowboy with adoration.

"Standin' heah. Whaddya t'ink you're doin'?" Cowboy replied sarcastically.

Davey rolled his eyes. Les just started at Cowboy and kept repeating, "Wow!"

"'Ey, what'sya prollem dere, kid?" he asked, irritated.

Les just looked at Cowboy. "Wow."

"Well, I see dat's gonna get me nowhere," he muttered. "'Kay, I betta be goin' back ta Newsyland. C'mon, Blinkerbell!"

Cowboy and Blinkerbell jumped up onto the windowsill. "Wait!" Sarah called after them. "Take us with you!"

Cowboy just stood there for a moment, and then looked at her. "Why?"

"Because...I could be your mother! And plus, you're really cute." She let out a high-pitched giggle.

"So, why wouldja wanna date me if you're me mudda?" he asked her with a disgusted look on his face.

"Well, I wouldn't be your real mother," Sarah followed up quicly.

"Fine, fine, fine. Okay. So, now ya gots ta loin how ta fly-" Cowboy began.

"Fly?!" Les exclaimed.

Cowboy looked at the pathetic child who unoficially worshipped him. "You hoid me. Fly. Now, ta fly, ya gotta t'ink loverly t'oughts. And I gotta put newsy dust on ya."

"Aw, Cowboy, not again," Blinkerbell whined as Cowboy picked him up and shook him violently over the childrens' heads. He then dropped Blinkerbell onto the ground.

"Whiplash..." was all Blinkerbell could choke out as he rolled around on the carpeted floor in pain.

"Now...t'ink loverly t'oughts," Cowboy repeated.

Sarah: "Newsboys!"

David: "Knives!"

Les: "Hot dogs!"

Sarah: "Maniac!"

Les: "Food!"

David: "Knives!"

Sarah: "Corpse!"

Les: "Jellybeans!"

David: "Knives!"

Les: "Cake!"

Sarah: "Lovenest!"

David: "Knives!"

Les: "Licorice Whips!"

Sarah: "Nude!"

With that, Sarah floated above the ground. "Nude?!" the boys repeated. They, too, flew up to the ceiling. David hit his head on the ceiling fan and it knocked him out.

Les ran around the room on air. "Weeeeeeee!" He headed toward the window. "I'm gonna go outside!"

He flew out the window and promptly fell downward onto the sidewalk. Standing up, he started laughing hysterically and then lay down and went to sleep in less than two seconds.

Cowboy started laughing maniacally. "I knew I din't put enough newsy dust on 'im!"

Turning to Sarah, he grabbed her hand. "C'mon, let's go ta Newsyland!" 


	2. It's A Sarah-Boid!

Meanwhile, in Newsyland, the Lost Newsyboys were having a slingshot-shooting contest.

"'Ey, five ta one Bumlets wins!" Racetrack proclaimed as Bumlets and Snoddy got ready to shoot.

Suddenly, Snipeshooter pointed upward. "Look, fellas! It's a boid!"

Sarah flew back and forth, above the treetops, repeating, "Poor Sarah! Poor Sarah!"

"Fellas! It's a Sarah-Boid!" Crutchy exclaimed, pointing with the arm that he usually held onto his crutch with. As a result, he fell over and started laughing hysterically.

"Hey, fellas, let's shoot da Sarah-Boid!" Dutchy yelled, being the evil, bad Lost Newsyboy that he was.

Pie Eater laughed maniacally. "Yeah! Bumlets, gimme yer slingshot!"

Pie Eater grabbed Bumlets's slingshot away from him and aimed at Sarah, chuckling evilly. He fired and hit her, and she plummeted downward and landed on Boots.

The boys crowded around her. "She's dead," Racetrack whispered.

Just then, Cowboy came flying down from the sky. "'Ey, fellas, I brought ya back a mudda-"

He stopped short when he saw Sarah lying on the ground. An evil grin spread over his face, but he wiped it away quickly. "Ya killed our mudda!"

"Mudda?!" the boys exclaimed. "Ya mean, she's a goil?"

"Duh," Cowboy sighed. "Well, whaddo we do now?"

"Let's go to the zoo!" Snitch exclaimed, grinning broadly and clapping his hands. Race backhanded him.

Looking confused, Bumlets asked, "What?"

Suddenly, Sarah opened her eyes, sat up, and said, "Cowboy? Are we there yet?"

"She's alive!" Crutchy exclaimed, fainting.

"Yeah, Sarah, we's heah," Cowboy replied, somewhat dissappointed. He was beginning to regret bringing this airhead along in the first place.

Suddenly, a ruckus was heard. "PIRATES!!!" the boys exclaimed in terror. They scattered and hid in the bushes. Sarah, having a delayed reaction, stood there a minute before realizing that there was danger and jumping behind a tree.

"Yo ho, yo ho, yo ho, and all that jazz!" the pirates exclaimed, coming into the clearing. Captain Magnifying Glass stood at the front of them all. He was the former editor of the New York _World_, formerly known as Joseph Pulitzer, but had had his left hand bitten off by a rabid muskrat and had it replaced with a magnifying glass, since he couldn't really see with just glasses anyway.

"Mister Weas!" he exclaimed.

A short, dumpy man hustled up to him. "Eh, eh, yes, Cap'n?"

"What is that deafening noise?"

"There is no noise, Cap'n," Weas said.

Captain Magnifying Glass stood there for a few minutes. Everything was silent until he started screaming, "Shut up! Will you shut up? Shut up when I'm talking to you! Or I'll tear out your liver with me magnifying glass!"

"Go for it, codfish," Cowboy whispered to himself from his hiding place.

"I heard that! Who's yelling?" Captain Magnifying Glass yelled.

"Only you, Cap'n," one of the other pirates, Morris, said.

"Oh. Well, I have a poisoned cake for Cowboy Pan and his Lost Newsyboys!" the captain exclaimed, pulling a cake out of nowhere and sitting it down on the ground. "That's why we're here, to find out how to make more money."

Seitz the Pirate cut in. "But Cap'n-"

"Shut your mouth, Seitz!" the captain exclaimed.

"Don't you like the purple and pink icing I used on the cake?" Jonathan the Pirate asked the captain. Captain Magnifying Glass looked at the cake through (what else?) his magnifying glass. "Brilliant, Jonathan, brilliant."

With that, the pirates left the clearing and the Lost Newsyboys came out of their hiding places.

Immediately, Snitch noticed the cake. "'Ey, fellas! It's a cake!"

Many "oohs" and "ahhs" came of this discovery. Fortunately, the ever- observant Mush proclaimed, "It's pink an' purple, plus it's poisoned!"

Race looked at the other newsies. "Try sayin' _dat_ t'ree times fast."

Several snickers came of this as Sarah picked up the cake. "Now, boys, Mush is right! We can't eat this cake."

With that proclaimation, she tossed the cake as far as she could. It landed five feet away with a splatter. Then, a voice was heard.

"Wheeeeeee!!!!!"

Everyone looked up to see Davey flying toward a tree.

LOST NEWSYBOYS: Watch out for that-

DAVEY: WAHHHH!!!!

*crash*

DAVEY: *groan*

NEWSYBOYS: Tree!

Davey rolled around on the ground for a few minutes, and then jumped up. Cowboy rolled his eyes. "Look!" Crutchy exclaimed.

Les was now hovering above the group. "Wow!" he exclaimed upon seeing Cowboy. Yet again, Cowboy rolled his eyes.

"Come on, now, boys," Sarah ordered. "Time for bed. If we go inside the treehouse now, I'll tell you a story!"

"I'll tell you a story!" Cowboy mocked in a squeaky voice, following the Lost Newsyboys, Sarah, David, and Les into the treehouse. 


	3. A Dead Fish and a Condor Feather

The next morning, the Lost Newsyboys were awakened by a frantic Cowboy Pan.

"Wake up, youse! Wake up! Da injun princess got took hostage by Captain Magnifyin' Glass an' da pirates!"

Immediately, the Lost Newsyboys jumped out of bed and were ready to go in a flash. Sarah, David, and Les were confused (not that that's anything new).

"Indian princess?" Sarah asked.

Les looked up at Cowboy. "Wow."

"Yeah, dat's what I said," Cowboy answered, somewhat annoyed. "Conlon Lily. C'mon, youse, we gotta go rescue 'er!"

The Lost Newsyboys, Cowboy, Sarah, Davey, and Les ran out of the treehouse and toward the lake, where the captain and the pirates had Conlon Lily tied to a bouy, while ill-tempered seabass with "frickin' laserbeams attached to their heads" swam around nearby, waiting for high tide. Captain Magnifying Glass stood on the shore, laughing maniacally.

"Hey, codfish!" Cowboy screamed.

The captain covered his ears, screamed, and fell to the ground, writhing in pain. "Deafening noise! Deafening noise! Shut up when I'm talking to you!"

As the other pirates gathered around him to see what was the matter, Cowboy saw his chance to sneak past them and head for the bouy to save Conlon Lily, Blinkerbell following close behind him.

Conlon Lily was very scrawny. In fact, she didn't even look like a girl. But Cowboy pushed that thought aside and started untying her.

"T'anks, Cowboy Pan. I owe ya one."

Cowboy screamed at the deep voice and yanked the hair off her head. It WAS a guy! Cowboy shoved him back against the bouy and started to re-tie him.

"'Ey! 'EY!!! What's dis, huh? Ya's s'posed ta be rescuin' me from dem sea bass ovah dere! Whatcha doin'?!"

"You ain't da injun princess!" Cowboy exclaimed.

"Yes I am! Only, I'se not a goil. But I'se STILL da injun princess!" Conlon Lily exclaimed.

"'Kay, explain," Cowboy ordered.

"I used ta be a Lost Newsyboy, an' den da Cheif took me in on one condition, an' dat was dat I had ta be a goil. I told 'im, okay, I'll dress up like a goil, so 'e 'dopted me."

Blinkerbell looked at Conlon Lily. "An' dey gave ya a corny name like Conlon Lily?!"

He nodded. "But me real name's Spot."

"Spot, you had a sick 'dopted parent," Blinkerbell said.

With that, Cowboy untied him again and they swam for shore. The sea bass were preoccupied with Les, who had jumped into the lake to kill minnows with his wooden sword. Back on shore, Davey was laughing maniacally.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Snyder the Pirate jumped out of the bushes and grabbed Crutchy, one of the Lost Newsyboys.

"Fellas! Fellas! Help me! My brain's got a mind of it's own!" Crutchy yelled as Snyder the Pirate dragged him away.

"Truth be told," Cowboy muttered. "C'mon, fellas, we gotta save Crutchy, whether or not his brain gots a mind of its own."

The group followed Cowboy Pan to the pirate ship. They snuck aboard and hid behind various objects. Crutchy was standing by the side of the ship without his crutch. He was balancing by holding onto the railing.

Captain Magnifying Glass and all the other pirates came up to him. "Now," the captain said, "you walk the plank!"

"But, Cap'n, I can't walk right," Crutchy wailed.

"Well, then, you'll LIMP the plank! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!"

They hoisted Crutchy up, but a loud voice stopped them.

"MAGNIFYING GLASS! YOU ARE A CODFISH!!!"

Captain Magnifying Glass just stood there. Cowboy was annoyed that he didn't drop to the ground again. Then, the captain grinned evilly. "I put cotton in me ears, boy! Hah! You know what I was doing when I was your age, boy? I was in a war!"

Cowboy rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. C'mon, codfish! Fight like a man!"

Cowboy pulled out a rolled-up newspaper. "Haha! You're no match for me magnifying glass!" the captain screamed, holding the glass up toward the sun. The rays started burning a hole in Cowboy's face.

"NOOO!!!"

Les flew out of nowhere and landed on Captain Magnifying Glass, whacking him repeatedly on the head with his wooden sword. Finally, the captain dropped to the deck in defeat. Les, slightly charred from the "frickin' laserbeams" but still weird as ever, bowed down to Cowboy, chanting, "Wow. Wow. Wow. You were in jail? Wow. Wow. Wow. All this for one sip of beer? Wow. Wow. W-"

Davey shut him up by kicking him across the deck. Les slid and knocked down all the pirates. Crutchy sat on the plank, laughing hysterically.

Suddenly, a police whistle was heard. "Da bulls!" the Lost Newsyboys exclaimed, scattering to their hiding places on deck. Captain Magnifying Glass sat up rather quickly. "No!" he screamed in fear. He ran away and climbed up to the crow's nest, whimpering.

A tiny muskrat that was foaming at the mouth crawled up the side of the ship and onto the deck. It opened its mouth and the sound of a police whistle came out.

"Dat's da muskrat dat bit off da Cap'n's hand. 'E swallered a police whistle, an' dat's how da Cap'n knows. 'E come back fer da rest of 'im, I s'pose," Cowboy told Sarah.

Sarah fell over laughing. Cowboy saw this as the perfect opportunity to sic the muskrat on her. This time it was Cowboy who was laughing maniacally.

Dutchy walked over to Cowboy and beaned him on the head with a dead fish. "Dat'll teach ya!" Dutchy exclaimed, though not sure what he wanted to teach Cowboy in the first place.

Racetrack came over to Dutchy, laughing his bum off. Dutchy just looked at him and beaned him over the head, too. It was in Dutchy's evil plan to knock everyone out with a dead fish and then take over Newsyland! Bwahaha!

Sarah jumped up off the deck. Now she had rabies, too. She grinned evilly, ran over to Snipeshooter, and bit him on the arm.

"OWW!" Snipeshooter screamed. He got an evil look in his eyes, ran to the plank, and bit Crutchy.

Crutchy started laughing maniacally and flipped backward over the plank and into the water, where he was taken hostage by the mermaids. But the Lost Newsyboys didn't care. There was a rabies epidemic now.

Dutchy beaned Sarah over the head with the dead fish, and she came back to her senses. "My hero!" she yelled, jumping on Dutchy and kissing him. He knocked her out with the fish and then decided that the dead fish wasn't going to cut it. He grabbed a condor feather out of nowhere and started tickling people's feet with it.

Les grabbed the muskrat by the tail. "Davey? Can I keep him?"

Davey rolled his eyes, took the rabid muskrat, and smacked himself over the head with it. He fell onto the deck with a thump.

Captain Magnifying Glass jumped down from the crow's nest like a maniac. "Seven days a week, ch-ch-ch-ch- ch-ch-ch-ch-"

Mush used his superior strength to pick up the captain and throw him overboard. "Fetch, doggies!" he yelled, and the pirates all jumped overboard after their captain.

Cowboy Pan picked up Davey and Sarah and flew them home to their nursery. He dumped them onto the floor and flew back to Newsyland. Blinkerbell said to him, "What 'bout da liddle kid?", but Cowboy didn't hear him.

When they got back to Newsyland, there was Les, waiting for Cowboy.

"Oh noo!" Cowboy wailed.

Les just looked up at him. "Wow."

THE END


End file.
